Photo by Rev Stan Sometimes when trying to help we can make things worse without meaning too. Many common expressions of support are actually subtle criticisms, judgements, or “digs” that can actually hurt the other person. Try not to use these ten phrases when trying to help.
1. Comparing a person’s performance with that of another or yourself. “You’re #4 right now.”
2. Comparing any aspect of a person to who they used to be/were. “You look so much better!”
3. Being patronizing. “You poor thing; how do you manage with such burdens?”
4. Attempts at puffery. “You’re so incredibly fantastic that whatever you try, you’ll do well at.”
5. Trying to be better than the other person. “Yeah, I tried that once. I learned, however.”
6. Trying to soften the blow of failure: “Oh, it will work out. You’re strong.”
7. Denying the other person their feelings: “You shouldn’t feel so down; you have everything to live for.”
8. Offering unsolicited advice: “Let me tell you how I fixed that.”
9. Telling someone how to feel: “You should feel better about yourself.”
10. Telling someone what they should do: “You should…..”
Thomas J. Leonard, often known as the father of coaching, passed away suddenly on February 11th, 2003. His seemingly endless ideas included the creation of CoachVille, and the International Coach Federation, as well as numerous books, teleclasses, programs, and workshops on coaching. One of Thomas’ signature creative structures were these top ten lists, a way of organizing his thoughts in an easy to read format. Visit Best of Thomas to learn more about the many different works of Thomas Leonard
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